Happy and Healthy

I have spent a bit of time lately thinking about how I approach body image as a concept and I have to admit I have found my own attitude a little lacking when it comes to open mindedness and embracing diversity. There is a lurking resentment that sits in me for people who are thin, especially those who seem to be thin effortlessly while I seem to find it so hard.

In order to embrace this year of happy and healthy, I am adjusting my mindset not only about my own body but the bodies of others, removing the emotion from what you can see on the outside. So why does it stir such emotion in me anyway?

While it sounds like a bit of an excuse to blame media it’s undeniable that still so much of what we see, and what’s promoted as beautiful, desirable and right in the world is below a size 8. I decided to try and find a TV show or romantic comedy movie with a fuller figured woman a few weeks ago and I couldn’t. Magazines are rife with articles showing us thin people, or telling us how to be like them like that’s the pinnacle of what we should aspire to.

But grumbling about how that thin girl is too pretty, needs to eat a burger or must have a bad personality is not helpful and is still boxing those people unfairly based on their looks and size. Removing thin people from media is not the answer. So what do I want? It comes down to representation. I want to see more people like me in what I watch, what I look at, what I read and what is shared and considered as healthy and beautiful in our society.

I have started by not buying any magazines anymore. I find them toxic and damaging to my health and my happiness. I have also started being more selective about who I follow on social media. I am filling my “follow list” with people who live the lifestyle I want to lead and I can relate to (as much as one can in a social media space). Models and influencers who eat a healthy diet that I would eat, exercise regularly, but most importantly have confidence in their looks and look bloody amazing! Some are full of love for their bodies, others admit to struggling with their body image but all are leading a healthy and mostly happy life style that I can see myself embracing. Importantly not all are ‘plus size’. They are people who have a healthy relationship with their bodies and their body image.

While I am definitely focusing on losing weight post baby I am trying to keep this in the realm of what’s real and makes me happy, not looking to be something I will never be. I am taking a positive look at myself, engaging in self care and helping myself to be the best I can be and resetting my own mindset and definitions of beauty for everyone.

It’s Australia Day today and we have visitors coming to stay. I’m very excited, but it’s interesting that one of my first thoughts this morning was “what if I put on a kilo today – how can I keep my calories super low?”

This year of happy and healthy is about more than just weight loss. It’s about sustainable lifestyle change and ongoing deprivation isn’t a part of that. Having days where I enjoy myself, have a few glasses of wine and some damn good cheese is an important part of making this change a part of my life, not a diet.

I am well aware that traditionally I am an all or nothing sort of person. I’m either full on eating air and lettuce or eating whatever the hell I want, the in between is a hard path to find, taking the emotion and guilt out of food and taking it one day at a time.

My approach this weekend is to enjoy myself and not worry too much about the calories. I’ll be sensible about picking when I want to indulge and when I want to eat healthy and I am making a promise to myself that come Monday it’s back to eating good nourishing food the way I have been. Lifestyle and balance.

A part of this will be also taking the emotion out of the scales. I have been weighing myself each day as I find it motivational, but need to be careful I don’t get obsessive over the number. When I get on the scale on Monday I know the number will go up which is ok. I’m in it for the long game not for short term gains.

This isn’t easy for me, it goes against so many of my instincts but I’m mentally prepping to make it work.

Happy and healthy, that’s the focus. Let the 2020 lifestyle continue!

I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Amy and I am a mum of two healthy boys. I gave birth to my youngest son just before Christmas and feel comfortable saying that we have definitely finished having children.

I have always struggled a bit with my weight, but probably more importantly with my body image. Coming from a family with a petite mother and sister my size 14 frame always felt bulky, oversized and generally ‘unpretty”. This image was perpetuated by what I saw in magazines, TV shows, movies, beauty ads. You name it there was not a lot that helped me to feel ok about how I looked. This caused my weight to fluctuate regularly with me gaining and loosing kilos like a good yo-yo dieter should.

It took me a long time to make peace with my larger frame and accept my body, any myself for what I was.

Fast forward a few years and I finally had a better grip on my weight and how I felt about myself. I found self confidence, began exercising, running further than I thought I could, lifting heavier than I thought I could and damn if I didn’t begin to love myself and the body I was in. Then I got pregnant.

Pregnancy wasn’t kind to me. I got big and despite my high hopes I didn’t just ‘bounce back’. My body had changed again and now I found that I didn’t have the time or the energy to pour into me. Exercising twice a day was out which meant just eating the way I used to eat didn’t do anything to shift the post baby kilos. As my self esteem plummeted I started to stop looking after myself, the yo-yo was back and finally, when my son was 2 I went and got some help from my doctor to manage my weight and treat mild anxiety and depression. I was still on medication for the anxiety and depression when I fell pregnant with our second son.

Pregnancy round 2 was no better than round 1 but I was already behind the eight ball with my weight and self image. I topped the scales at 113 kilograms and felt all the old feelings of self loathing rising up in me. I decided I needed to make a change for me, for my marriage and for my family.

So this year I decided start making some positive changes to my life. I need to stop dwelling on how I used to be and focus on what I can be now. I’m not going to lie, weight loss will definitely be a part of it but the goal is real and driven by health and a love for myself, not what I’m seeing in magazines. Above anything its about me making sustainable long term changes in my life. I’m using this blog to track my journey and keep me on track, to remind me that my goal is to be happy and to be healthy – not skinny, not outrageously fit, not like anyone else except for me.

So this is my accountability space, my space to reflect on how I’m tracking, to get my thoughts down and hopefully have something I can reflect on with pride in 12 months time. Here’s to a happier and healthier me!